I learned later that I had been struggling for years to suppress these effeminate characteristics that had been passed on to me when Mum died. When I ...as still a child I remember having a dream where a spirit told me to choose what sex I would be, either a Girl or a boy. I saw a vision of a really pretty dress being offered to me. It was like a pink party frock with ruffles and lace. It seemed like a very attractive proposition in the dream but I thought about it and about the fact that God had. Anyway, it benefited me greatly! I was not quite old enough to be left alone, too old for a babysitter, and old enough that I had discovered masturbation and did it quite frequently! I was "hormones in tennis shoes" walking around constantly in a mild state of arousal! I would go into the bathroom and masturbate 2 or 3 times per day. She (the "babysitter" - more of a neighbor who kept an eye on me) came over at lunch time and at other routine times. I also would have to go to her house to check. They clung to each other, alone but not alone, far from people, but close to something immeasurably distant. Jack took a deep breath and confessed, “It was like I was sending out an explosion of ecstasy to all those stars, all those planets, all those Nancys who were sharing it with me.”Nancy rose up to plant a hundred kisses on his face. When she tasted a salty tear, she didn’t know if it was his or hers.“We should get some sleep,” she said finally, rolling off him, already seeing some. I sat down on the steps and looked up at her."How are you, Cecilia?"She hated it when I called her by her name instead of CeCe."I'm pissed. Where were you last Sunday? I was home and wanted to spend time with you." You said you weren't coming home. I made other plans. You got home Friday, but didn't even try to let me know until Sunday morning when you called the house. As hard as this may be to understand, I don't sit by the phone hoping maybe once or twice a month you will call me so we can.
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