I didn’t know why I had locked it. No one would be coming to see me, to save me. This was my own personal hell, created for and by me. This is where...I would live, the monstrosity of pain that I had built on trying to be what no one really wanted. I had not eaten for days. The hunger pangs had stopped long ago. I was starving, but on many levels which had nothing to do with food. The starvation sank deep into my bones and it would no doubt be what killed me. A loud clap of thunder shook the. Sobs ripped the air as she rocked, cradling herself in her arms. Voice tortured. ‘I cheated on you. Please, Bill, can you forgive me?’ The doors of my heart opened wider, telling me this woman, with all her faults, held the key. The doors at the back of the church opened. The organ played and Carla entered. Veiled, all in white. Radiant at the altar. Tears of joy slipped down my face. Her love enveloped me. I opened the front door to find Carla at twenty-nine on the floor, pregnant belly. Her hair was done nice.... looked like she was getting ready to go out? I noticed she had some pantyhose, or stockings on.... it was too hard to tell. "I thought we were hanging out tonight s*s? Why are you getting all dressed up?" She smiled and looked over at me," I'm not going out silly.... I just want to feel pretty thats all. Beside, there is nothing dressy about a robe dear brother." Something was going on. She snagged a bottle of wine from the upstairs and opened it up. She poured. My hair was mid length from neck to waist at that time and I always wore it in pony-tail fashion. It was then I met Leon, he had worked for the paper for almost two years, a lanky type with wavy fair hair and a sickly complexion, twenty-one just after my eighteenth in July. I don’t know why I liked him, he was nothing like my usual sort but then they had let me down almost always and I couldn’t fathom why I was attracted to risky guys. Leon was the opposite, weedy even gawky but with a kind.
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