...At last Ernie was ready for release from hospital, I'd had a long discussion with him about rehabilitation. He obviously wasn't able to stay in his...own cabin so I broached the subject of Jess and I sleeping in her room while he took mine."Tony, in a perfect world I wouldn't have a bar of the idea, as it is though I have to agree with you. I'm going to need a lot of attention, that's going to be a big burden on both you and Jess. I assume that Jess and you are doing more than hold hands so. ...I rememberthinking that all he needed were hoop earrings and he could give that Andreja run for his money. I don't know if I was trying to punish him or if I wastrying to help him look like that Andrej, but I knew I had opened a door.It was several nights after that first night he completely dressed in frontof me.....I was cleaning out my medicine cabinet and I saw my birth controlpills. I haven't had sex with a man in 5 years, but I have continued to keepmy prescription up just in case. It. I don’t have to follow nor accompany you. I remain seated, my eyes resting our wedding photo on the dark oak bedside table. With you beside me, frozen in time, eyes radiating the joy of our union and a genuine smile. ‘Honey, How I wish to relive the moment.’The two pair of footsteps herald the advent of the much-anticipated moment. A brief pause, twisting of the doorknob and you are in with him. Hands intertwined like a newly wedded couple; you lead him in. For a split second, our eyes meet but. I TAUGHT MYSELF AND MOULDED MYSELF AND EVEN WHEN I CHANGED, IT WASN’T ENOUGH. And the Man did what he wanted. I WANTED TO BE LIKED AND TO BE LOVED AND I TRIED SO HARD. EVERYTHING I WAS, EVERYTHING I BECAME, WAS NOT ENOUGH. And the Man had been enough. His funeral was proof . The Girl’s funeral would not be like that, she was sure. She would not be called a peacemaker, an angel called to heaven. She had been a horrible little girl, everyone said so. She had punched and bitten, lied and stolen..
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